An up-to-date catalogue of all my completed pieces of artwork that I've posted here on Livejournal. Doesn't include insta!doodles and rough drafts.

Total number of (good) artworks to date: 276

Last updated: 28th August '09

Link checking mission progress: Harry/Draco

( Masterlist )

An inventory of all the fics written in response to my artwork (ficcustrations!!) - both pre-planned fic/art collaborative efforts, as well as spontaneous insta!fic gifts.

Total number of ficcustrations to date: 56

Last updated: 22nd June '09

( Inventory )

...I can't concentrate right now with how much Colin/Bradley squee is contained in my heart right now.

( mildly spoilery but mostly giddy )

In conclusion:
The lack of Merlin/Arthur subtext this season has MORE THAN been made up for by the EPIC FLOURISHING LOVE between Colin and Bradley. I don't even. They have an 80s power ballad theme song, how much more coupley can you get!? Cannot even cope, I swear to god.

♥

*gets back to neuropsych MCQs*

Psych makes me sadface:

My general psychiatry module is coming to an end next week - it's been VERY interesting, but also (for want of a better word) depressing. When I see these patients with debilitating treatment-resistant mental illness, I just feel such overwhelming sadness for them. I don't think I could cope with specialising in psych. :(

One case really struck a chord with me - a gentleman in his 50s who has had florid paranoid schizophrenia since he was 18, with limited improvement on a whole cocktail of drugs. He has never been able to have friends, hold down a job, or have a relationship. He lives with his old fashioned, upper class mother who considers him an absolute failure. And on top of that, he had parotid cancer, the surgery for which has left him physically disfigured on one side of his face.

The sad thing is that when I went to talk to him (with his social worker) he's such a sweet natured, friendly guy. And he's so desparately lonely, but he can't bear to go out of the house because of his hallucinations and shyness about his disfigured face. He's in his 50s, but has the emotional maturity of a teenager.

And there's not really much else that can be done for him. :( What a waste of potential life fulfilment.

Exams also make me sadface:

Exams on 7th December ARGH. *cries* I am feeling nominally confident that I will be able to pass, provided I continue to revise as much as I have been in the past week. :S

I still have ups and downs with my feelings of inadequacy and fears that I have ruined my future career. I was feeling really inspired and excited over the weekend, after attending the Royal College Of Obstetricians & Gynaecologists Careers Fair. O&G has the surgical aspects which I love, but with the added warmth and caring that working with women and babies entails. There are also lots of provisions for part time work in the future when I decide to have a family. I was so squeeful at finding a potential alternative to hardcore surgery.

That feeling of squee came crashing down today, after I went out to a party with some uni and school friends. The vast majority of them were medics from my year (before I slipped down a year because of failing my exams) and I HATED all their sympathetic posturing towards me. I felt like such a loser.

One medic whom I'd never met before said that I looked more like a GP rather than an O&G - he meant it as a compliment (he said I was too nice to be surgical), but it really bugged me because FFS I don't WANT to be a goddamned GP. I don't want to be that small fraction of near-failing med students who can't get a job in a hospital specialty, but it feels like subtle hints from every quarter are pushing me in that direction against my will.

Sigh. I guess there's little point in wibbling about the future - I need to concentrate on the present and pass my exams. Otherwise I won't be a doctor at all, never mind a GP! :P

♥

Has anyone on my flist heard of Work The World? They are a company that organise health care electives for students to various exciting far-fetched places.

I.... have somehow convinced my parents to let me go to Nepal or India on my own for my final year medical elective.

!!!!!! I've always wanted to go somewhere like this, but my parents never allowed it. IDEK what happened - maybe they're seeing me as more mature?? :D So excited to investigate this possibility.

I have had an incredibly inspiring week, attending medic careers and volunteering fairs and such. I am so fired up, goddamn. :DDDDD

What. Was. That.

>8[

No words.

( The only plus side... )

My reaction to this episode can be summarised into two categories.

1) HOLY SHIT YES!!!!
2) *...facepalm*

( spoilery episode review: OH, BOYS! )

Artses: I PWN!!!! I finished camelotsolstice and happy_trekmas over the last two days. So now I have the whole weekend to chillax and revise at leisure. \o/

Gen Psych, Oh My!: So I'm back from my first week of suburban hospital psychiatry. Very interesting so far. :D My consultant is a rather stern Irish lady, and I suspect she'll expect me to do a lot of work T_T.

Next week, I'm going on a home visit with a psych nurse to assess a man with suspected paranoid schizophrenia. :O And after that, I'll be visiting the forensic psych department at the local prison. :O :O Hannibal Lecter, whut.

Surgery again, or not...: I've once again been pondering specialties . I've got to know some other surgery enthusiasts in my year. And omg, it's embarrassing how stereotypically rubbish and uninterested they are with patient communication skills. T_T

And you know what.... I love putting a smile on a patient's face when they can see that I have their best interests at heart. Every time I observe consultations, I review how I would conduct the interview differently (this sadly happens all too frequently – some doctors are totally dreadful!). Plus I've been complimented on my good communication skills before.

I like making people happy, and now I'm realising that surgery isn't necessarily the only way I'd be good at doing so. :D

The future is bright and full of possibilities. :D ♥

Sucky Doctor Is Sucky: Speaking of bad doctors.... Today I was sitting in with a GP as he reviewed this little two year old African girl brought in by her mother. The GP reviewed the girl's notes prior to the consultation, and saw that the mother had brought her little girl to the GP last winter and had been prescribed Calpol.

(For those not in the know: Calpol is an over-the-counter paracetamol preparation for children, and when prescribed by a doctor, it is free)

The doctor went on a huge rant about how this mother was obviously manipulating the system in order to get her free Calpol, to the detriment of the sick child who couldn't get medicine until the doctor saw her. I was like >.> but said nothing.

And then! The mother comes in with her sick girl, and it's blindingly obvious to me that the reason why she doesn't give any medicine to her girl before seeing the doc is because she believes she needs doctor approval first, in case she causes more harm than good.

And this GP was so abrupt with the mother, sharply asking her why she “didn't bother to give her girl any Calpol, she's been sick all night!” And the poor mother (who's English wasn't that great) was just looking placidly at the GP, waiting to be told what to do. After she'd gone, the GP turned to me and was all like “Can you see what irresponsible mothers I have to deal with!?”

I kept silent, but I was honestly rather taken aback by the whole incident. He seemed to completely miss the cultural variables that were at play here. *facepalm*

( spoilery review )

*gets back to psych revision* T_T

This Weekend:
- Loan business (suck)
- Finish camelotsolstice and happy_trekmas agh stress!
- Pack my luggage for a 4 week psychiatry rotation in a random hospital in the fuckin' MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WITH NO TRANSPORT LINKS.

Potential social isolation aside, I am actually glad to be shipped off out of London. Straight after this rotation, I have my exams, so the isolation (and I suspect limited internet access) means I will have nothing to distract me from VERY IMPORTANT REVISION.

In other news:
My neurology rotation is over. :( It was a tough subject, but I had a great consultant and my confidence and enthusiasm has been improving. Now if only my skills and knowledge could increase at the same rate.... xD!

My grade for this rotation was "Above average"!! *beams* Even though I know I sucked hardcore at the cranial nerves. Val Kilmer!Consultant commented with this very inspiring (but terrifying) piece of advice:

When you're qualified, you will come across horrible situations that you have read about in theory, but have not seen (and hoped not to see) in practice - like cardiac arrest, meningitis, haemorrhage. As a student, you know these things well enough for your exams, but in practice, you as a doctor can't just get by with getting a pass mark. You have to be quick, capable, and correct. Every Single Time.

And that means practicing these topics and your examination skills during your student years til you're blue in the face. Til every topic, even the difficult ones *cue Consultant looking at me pointedly after my abysmal cranial nerves examination* until they become second nature to you. If you don't get a chance to see something on rotation, take the time to find a patient yourself, and learn at your leisure.

Because when you qualify, you won't have the time or opportunity to practice. Every case, from the moment you get your first job, is real life. Real people. Dependent on you. Your student years are golden - use them wisely.

*heart thump* So. NO PRESSURE OR ANYTHING, RIGHT!? But so so true, and really, this is the best thing Consultant could have said to me after my crappy examination, rather than berating me for not reading my books.

I'm feeling all inspired and intent on revising like mad over the next 4 weeks. I hope it pays off. :-S

*SCREAMS* *DIES* *REVIVES* *THROWS SELF ABOUT* *RUNS AROUND IN CIRCLES*

THAT WAS. THE MOST FABULOUS.

THE GAYEST.

MOST FANDOM-REWARDING FANFIC EPISODE.

IN THE HISTORY OF FOREVER.

I AM ACTUALLY SPEECHLESS.

I DON'T THINK I CAN MANAGE A PROPER EPISODE REVIEW JUST YET.

BRB DYING ALL OVER AGAIN.

IN OTHER MERLIN SQUEE NEWS:
BRADLEY AND ANGEL BOOK-SIGNING AT FORBIDDEN PLANET TODAY. BRADLEY WITH A FUCKIN' DELICIOUS BEARD. I COULDN'T GO BUT THE ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL AND GENEROUS foxie_trot GOT ME THEIR AUTOGRAPHS.

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS. TODAY IS SUCH A WONDERFUL MERLIN DAY. I AM JUST SO DAMNED HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, FLIST!

Whut: I saw the most bizarre brain MRI in class this week. The lecturer let us students guess what on earth we were looking at, and eventually gave us the answer: it was a foetus in foetu, growing inside the baby's SKULL. In the BRAIN. THERE WAS A FOOT GROWING IN THE BRAIN, HOLY SHIT.

*tries to comprehend this stupendous fuckery*

Here's a blog post about the actual case, warning for rather gruesome (but incredible) photo of what they found inside the poor kid's head. D:

Family: My brother is presently persona non grata at home. *sigh* He thought it would be a good idea to jam a ball point pen into our car's ignition, to see if he could get it to start. End of the nib broke and got stuck. He tried to use a paperclip to get it out and ended up scraping all the electricals inside the ignition that control the central locking system and anti-theft alarms.

Yeah. The car (our ONLY car) is fucked. *facepalm* I just..... no words. Why are teenage boys so.... /o\

Merlin Trailer: On a more pleasant note, OH MY GOD HAS EVERYONE SEEN THE LATEST MERLIN PREVIEW TRAILER FOR 2x06?????? IT'S LIKE EVERY UTHER-FINDS-OUT M/A FIC I'VE EVER READ. FOR REALZ. CANON. I CANNOT EVEN. WHUT. HOW. *froths*

Oh, show. Oh boys. ♥

I've had a Deviant Art account for ages, but it's been over 4 years since I last used it.

cluegirl has brought to my attention the possibility of selling prints of my original art (and a prospective customer ♥!), and I confess the idea has occurred to me occassionally... I just never got round to actually putting it into practice.

I know that DevArt has a prints facility of some sort, but I am hopelessly out of touch with its navigation and in all honesty, my concentration is not upto exploratory delving when I'm trying to shove Neurology into my brain (har har).

Could anyone on my flist tell me how I go about doing these prints? I am sure a few of you fellow artists use DevArt to sell prints.

Advice vastly appreciated ♥!

In other news: I STILL HAVEN'T WATCHED MERLIN. *sobs pitifully* Stupid revision.

Eeee :D My neurology consultant is the nicest, most patient, kindest consultant in the history of forever.

I was the only student who bothered to turn up this afternoon >:0! Consultant sprung a surprise!"let's assess your examination skills" test on me and carted me off to the wards to examine some patients.

....Me all alone, with Consultant focussed entirely on my n00b skills. NERVOUS FOR SRS, RIGHT. :S

But it was so awesome. ^__^ He spent over an hour with me, and he knew I'd been away from school for two years and would be rusty, but he said that he doesn't mind if I'm crap, as long as I pay attention and ask questions and learn, because he's there to help me.

♥ ♥ ♥ !!! I've NEVER had a senior doc say such a thing to me. What a sweetheart! ♥

Neurology as a subject continues to be really awesome. And the fact that Consultant looks like Val Kilmer with floppy 80s boyband hair and a paunch helps a lot, in a hilarious kind of way.

I believe I've found myself a role model. :3!

A meme! - Seen all over my flist, and since my lectures tomorrow morning have been cancelled (yesssss) I get to stay up a little later than usual tonight and catch up on the flist. \o/

The problem with LJ: We all think we are so close, but really we know nothing about one another. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away.

Merlin ficcustration - torchwd101 has written a fic based on my Merlin/Arthur art This Moonlight Madness (R rated for nekkid, NWS). It's called "Moonlight Revelations" and can be found here. ^_^ Thank you!

My new favourite word - DYSDIADOCHOKINESIA. \o/ Say that ten times really quickly.

Some medical songs - The Dorsal Horn Concerto by Amateur Transplants. "You must say things like micturate, defecate, intercourse! You can't say things like pissing and shitting and fuck!"

The Colorectal Surgeon Song by Bowser and Blue. "We praise the colorectal surgon, misunderstood and much maligned! Slaving away in the heart of darkness, working where the sun don't shine..."

:D

I am being brave and using this terribly tasteless icon for the first time - doesn't it look awful as an x-ray xD?

So I'm really liking Neurology so far. :D The subject is REALLY interesting, and I like how logical the nervous system is. It's like a huge complicted map, but once you have learned it, neurological symptoms just make SENSE. I love it. Really really love it. *beams*

I've been doing a lot of background reading (and have thus become a social recluse) but I am genuinely enjoying my studies. The other student who is on the same rotation as me is also decidedly average, so I don't feel horribly inadequate beside him, which is helping a LOT with my confidence. In fact, I have been more vocal than him so far, which is quite a turnaround. xD!

My consultant is a laid-back friendly guy who doesn't grill us lowly students in humiliatingly public ways, as so many other docs do. He has been really nice about taking the time to explain cases to us during ward round, instead of ignoring us while we follow the team around like lost sheep. He even emailed me to check that I was okay after my long two year absence from the medical course. How many consultants would bother to do that?? So kind. ^_^

He also happens to look a lot like Val Kilmer, with floppity 80s hair and a paunch. xD

Also, holy shit you guys, neurosurgery is like. Amazing. AMAZING. :D It's kind of hilarious when the surgeons bring out the power tools to cut into the skull. And fresh live brain is a lot more pink than I realised. o.O However, consultant surgeons continue to be arrogant bastards. I think it was too much to hope that this would not be the case.

All in all, things are pretty good right now. :D If I keep up my rate of studying, I feel confident that my December exams will go very well indeed. \o/

Downside: I STILL have some psychiatry homework overdue from two weeks ago. D: Argh I suck. How lame, that I want to study neuro instead of do homework. It's a no-win scenario. T__T

Gacked from hils: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and Edgar Wright spent their Sunday writing Hot Fuzz slash fic via Twitter. xD!!! *crying and dying a thousand times over* Par exemple:

@nickjfrost “That’s a lovely big truncheon.” said Danny. (sound of slide whistle.) the end.

@edgarwright “Angel gently reminded Danny that his ‘Team Jacob’ t-shirt was not regulation uniform.”

@simonpegg “What shall we do?” Asked Danny, fully of puppyish enthusiasm. “Your call Constable Butterman”, purred Angel. Danny smiled, “Willy fight?”

Bless their dear hearts, they are so awesome. SO AWESOME. And then Edgar Wright finished his blog post with: "I cannot say how much we all enjoyed writing these. You slash fiction writers are having way too much fun." ♥

.....

Is it utterly pathetic that my main thought following this piece of comedy gold was that I hope Colin Morgan and Bradley James would do this one day too? Now THERE'S an rps fic plot bunny in the making. xD I could TOTALLY see Bradley and Katie writing Arthur/Merlin slash for the lulz.

Does anyone know (or have) a good program that converts PDFs to editable Word docs? I need to convert a PDF application form so I can type in my details, but my online searching has not proved fruitful. :(

I've tried opening the PDF in Photoshop, but I keep getting a "corrupt error" message (although the file does open in Acrobat Reader).

Help? D: I really urgently need this form.

I was very nervous about my schedule today, because I had two neuro clinics AND bedside teaching AND two x-ray meetings to attend, and I would be all alone because the other student who is meant to be joining me for all these sessions is absent (family bereavement) and I was horribly apprehensive about bearing the full brunt of the consultant's disdain for my lack of basic knowledge.

But I convinced myself to go, so I trooped off to the first x-ray meeting, which was interesting (albeit full of white middle class crusty old men), and then went to a lecture where I expected to have a moment of calm before I had to jump into bedside teaching all alone...

Except it wasn't. The lecture teacher asked me a really simple definition question, and I couldn't for the life of me remember it. Even when he guided me like a baby to figure out the meaning of the terms from their Latin roots, and even though I kind of knew the answer, I still couldn't say anything.

And then later on, he turned to me and was about to ask me another question to "redeem myself", and I must have looked like a deer in headlights, because he smirked and said, "Maybe not." And the entire auditorium laughed.

And I swear to god, my eyes started to tear up, and I just wanted the day to end right away.

So I have bunked off all the rest of my clinics and teaching, and I reported myself as unwell and needing to go home. I just do not feel ready to face clinic, not until I'm better prepared. I must spend this weekend studying my arse off and NOT get distracted by easy nice safe fandom, because that will get me NOWHERE, even if it makes me feel better.

I have a welfare session at lunch time today, in which I hope to get some study tips and SOMETHING to get me out of this emotional rut. And then this afternoon, I have to meet with my consultant (even though I've bunked all the clinics) for a 1-2-1 introduction to the firm. *wibbles* I hope he is as kind and understanding as my previous consultant. I'm glad the other student will not be there, because I can be honest with the consultant about how nervous I am.

*sigh x a million* Why does this have to be so damned hard?

Neurology Rotation:

Oh my god, this rotation is going to be hardcore. :((((((((( I really really want to do well, but I have forgotten SO much of my basic neuroscience knowledge that I'm terrified of going into clinics and bedside teaching. Psych was easier to blag my way through, but this? Neuro management? Examination? Drugs? Whut? D: D: D:

I haven't met my consultant yet, but I hope he is as kind and patient as my previous one. And if he isn't, then.... I'll just have to become innured to public humiliation in front of other students and doctors and patients. x_x

I also had a crap time trying to get in touch with my registrar and make her commit to a time for teaching. xD When she finally answered my bleep, I had a brain blank and couldn't remember her name, and she got peeved that I was wasting her time. *sigh*

And on top of that, I am a loser who still has three GP reports to write from my Eating Disorders Psychiatry rotation last week. WHYYYYY didn't I get them done during the weekend. D: Damn you, procrastination and delicious Merlin fic.

*determined to finish two reports this afternoon*

So all in all, not a very auspicious start to a new rotation, BUT. Neurology is really interesting (albeit conceptually difficult) and I'm excited to see some neurosurgery, too. :D Srsly need to get cracking with the studying. I'm also pondering using a taperecorder to practice presenting cases and memorising disease management - as much as I loathe the sound of my own voice, I think I would find it useful.

Also? I have a class called "Brain Cutting". How hilarious is that? xD

In job-related news:

I had a job interview on Monday for a part-time research assistant post at my university. It went reasonably well, but sadly, with my neurology workload looking to be epic and painful, I think I'm going to have to withdraw my job application. T_____T Ultimate lame! Although to be honest, I have ZERO interest in the research that I would be assisting, so I'd be better off spending more time watching fun brain surgery instead. 8D

Memes, the second:

Did a couple of memes over the last couple of weeks, so I'm reposting links to them, in case there are fellow procrastinating members of my flist who'd like to comment about how much of a loser I am. xP

Merlin fanworks feedback meme - give me concrit on my Merlin art! Though I haven't done much recently, and it's not as though my style changes drastically between pieces.... I think?
What have you always wanted to tell me? - I have a great fear that my journal posts are descending into boringness, be honest with me! I can take it. :D