Total number of artworks to date: 307

Last updated: 7th September '11

( Masterlist )

An inventory of all the fics written in response to my artwork (ficcustrations!!) - both pre-planned fic/art collaborative efforts, as well as spontaneous insta!fic gifts.

Total number of ficcustrations to date: 72

Last updated: 24th October '10

( Inventory )

...is all this LJ is amounting to these days. Let's see:

Bachelor 15 and I got on really well, but he phoned me after we met and said he didn't feel any "spark". Whilst I thought it was ridiculous to expect sparks after meeting someone for the first time (especially under awkward marriage related circumstances) I wished him luck in his quest for his one true wuv. He was rather an emo kid to be honest, I guess I'm just too cynical for romance. xD

Bachelor 16 was a total cheapskate! He was 2 hours late, and I was expecting a meal (since it was past lunch time) but no, he took me to a cafe for a cup of tea. And then he left after 90 minutes because apparently his car parking was about to run out. He couldn't be arsed to put in more than 90s mins of parking in the meter when meeting someone regarding marriage? Whatever. We parted ways comfortably.

Bachelor 17 was a guy born and bred in Bangladesh, arrived in England 4 years ago to do research at university. I was extremely reluctant to meet this guy (my primary criteria has always been someone born and raised in the UK) but after much pressure from the parents, I agreed to at least give him a chance. We emailed a few times beforehand to break the ice. The meeting was lame, there was too much cultural difference between us and I told my parents straight away I wasn't interested. My parents gave in to my vehement refusal and told the guy "no", to which he got all TL;DR in emails about how unexpected the rejection was and what he could change to make himself more suited to me. He was rather snarky in his email to my father. He then texted me demanding an explanation for why I rejected him.

Thankfully, my parents were unimpressed with this arsey behaviour. We'd only met once for goodness' sake, and flattering as it is that he seems to have liked me, I just couldn't settle for him. Like I told my mother, I was "dumbing myself down" in order to have a conversation with him - no good can come from such an arrangement IMO. We are officially ignoring him now.

OTOH, the arsy persistence was refreshing in a way, a nice change from AWOLs and a string of rejections. xP

Bachelor 18 is a relatively bland but harmless guy I've met twice - once for dinner alone, once with our parents in tow. Since then we've spoken on the phone a few times. He is rather boring, but otherwise inoffensive - I personally don't see it going anywhere (I'd describe our conversations as completely dry and cold) but he's still staying in touch, so I'll see where things go. :)

Well fuck, I haven't posted in a really long time! I was super busy, working on a surgical ward is no fun. Brief bachelor update:

- Bachelor 11 rejected me via text message. xD Fully expected, our meetings were painfully awkward.

- Bachelor 12 went out with me twice and then went AWOL. Oh well.

- Bachelor 13: This was horrible. The guy was one of identical twins, and the family were very traditional. Our first meeting was attended by myself, my parents and brother, bachelor and his twin, his parents, and his grandparents. *facepalm* I had a split-second moment of panic when I wasn't sure which twin I was meant to be talking to. xD We had nothing in common, there was mutual awkwardness re: the very public setting, and he rejected me two days later via his mother calling my mother. Hah.

- Bachelor 14: This was a leap of bravery from me - I found a muslim nerd myself via a dating site and decided to meet him. He turned out to be incredibly geeky, but also rather Sheldon-like in appearance and attitude. He also was clearly not interested in marriage at all; why he bothered to meet me, I don't know - I'd made my situation re: parents/marriage pressure very clear. Oh well. Failed experiment was fail!

- Bachelor 15: I'm due to meet a new chap tomorrow. A lawyer by trade, we have spoken on the phone a few times and whilst being completely non-geeky, he is a pleasant conversationalist and has been friendly so far. Amazingly, I will be meeting #15 near to where I live, so my mother will not be around to dictate my clothes/make-up/hair. For that alone I'm looking forward to this meeting, whether #15 goes well or not will be icing on the cake. Wish me luck!

I R Doktur: My stint in colorectal surgery is finally over, wooo! Now I'm working in Paediatrics, and oh my god I am LOVING it! :D :D :D The other doctors (from F1s to consultants) are all wonderful and approachable and jokey with each other, so very different from my last two rotations. The workload is also very light, so plenty of opportunity to just relax and learn and enjoy the specialty. Babies so cute, squeeee :D ♥

I've also been doing job applications, and have successfully got a job in Scarborough for my second year - rather far north, but I have awesome specialty combination so yay. :D Does anyone on my flist live in Scarborough?

Bachelor #11: So I survived the mushy romantic film with Rachael McAdams. He DIDN'T turn up with a red rose (thank god) and the film wasn't too bad - there was one mildly raunchy scene during which I stared straight ahead and studiously ignored him. *facepalm* The whole meeting was awkward and boring - it was a struggle to think of something to talk about whilst queuing for popcorn, ffs! I don't know if it was just me being pessimistic/shy or HIM being pessimistic/shy, but neither of us came across well. I'm expecting a rejection any time soon.

Bachelor #12: A new guy who is rather interesting, as such I don't think he will like me. xD He's an engineer, mixed race (English/Bengali), VERY rich and successful. We've been emailing a few times over the past month, and now he wants to take me out to dinner tonight at a VERY swanky restaurant. D: D: D: I'm eternally pessimistic, but I'm not sure which way this will swing. I shall report in due course!

Now the million pound question... what do I wear!? D: If only my parents would let me wear a dress... am not allow skirts above ankle-length for modesty's sake, and mother won't allow any skirts at all because she says they make me look short. x__x

Last night I had a RIDICULOUSLY HOT DREAM - Benedict Cumberbatch and I in some sort of asexual but very sensual relationship, involving the liberal use of ice cubes but the consistently safe presence of underwear, and lots of cuddling and WOW IT WAS SERIOUSLY HOT AND VERY VIVID, I NEVER DREAM ABOUT MYSELF, EVER. I am a little overwhelmed, for all that the dream was quite tame.

Ironically, I now have a cold brewing *facepalms* Should have cut back on the ice cubes.

Crazy On-Call
Monday to Thursday: 10am to 10pm
Friday to Sunday: 10pm to 10am

....all in one week. 84 hours. On the Acute Surgery ward. It was hell, but thankfully I survived and can now enjoy two weeks of relaxation in London with the parents and brother. Well, I say relaxation....

Bachelor 11:
A new gentleman on the horizon. Somebody I vaguely knew in my second year of uni, now reconnecting via matchmaker, which is so very awkward. We met once a month ago for lunch, and it was SO DULL. I was struggling to think of things to say, even WITH the distraction of a meal to get through, and yet the guy reported to his parents that he would like to see me again. My gut feeling says that he's a pushover and can't say no to his very keen parents (who are chomping at the bit to get a doctor daughter-in-law), soooo yeah.

He's taking me to see a film on 12th February, and I don't know whether this is his attempt at making an effort for Valentine's Day, but he's chosen to see The Vow, some ridiculous mushy romance with Rachael McAdams. D: I am MORTIFIED at the thought of watching a sappy film with a date, oh god. WHAT IF THERE'S ON SCREEN SEX. D: I suggested The Woman In Black as an alternative, but the guy wasn't interested. LAME!!

I swear if he turns up holding a single red rose, I will actually throw myself out of a window.

Title: Pulling Rank
Fandom: Sherlock
Pairing: Sherlock/John
Rating: R
Medium: Digital
Notes: I really wanted to draw something inspired by 2x2: The Hounds Of Baskerville before the finale airs on Sunday (*sobs quietly in anticipatory despair*). And seriously, Captain John Hamish Watson of the 5th Northumberland Fusiliers was pretty damn sexy. Sherlock agrees. 8D

( sherlock/john, r )

Also on my tumblr here.

BLOWN. AWAY. FLAWLESS. MY FAVOURITE OF ALL THE EPISODES OF BOTH SEASONS.

So last week's episode was very much about Sherlock and emotions. I think this week's episode was about John Watson and what a fucking BAMF he is. So many delightful moments to illustrate the beautiful synergy of John and Sherlock's relationship. My favourite two quotes were... ( spoiler!cut )

I think I need to draw something showcasing Captain John Hamish Watson of the 5th Northumberland Fusiliers, amirite??

URGH HOW CAN IT ONLY BE SIX DAYS TIL THE SEASON FINALE?? DAMN YOU MOFFTISS!! I am going to be a fucking MESS, god I don't know what to expect based on the preview and teaser trailer. *sits on hands and gibbers incoherently*

Icon request: Is there any kind graphic-savvy person who would be willing to make me an animated icon of Sherlock putting on the deerstalker and popping his collar like a boss in ASiB?? *wibbles* I wish I had the skills, but alas I do not. :(

Title: High Resolution Webcam
Fandom: BBC Sherlock
Pairing: Sherlock/John
Rating: PG-13
Medium: Digital
Notes: Sherlock makes good use of the high resolution webcam on his laptop. John approves. 8D Bonus crumpled pile of Purple Shirt Of Sex (TM) and evidence of John's grabby possessiveness mid-coitus.

( sherlock/john, pg-13 )

In other news: Meeting with Bachelor #11 tomorrow at *drum roll* Baker Street, haha! I actually know the guy vaguely from uni years ago, so it's doubly awkward to be reconnected via matchmaker. *heaves massive sigh* I just don't care anymore.

Fic rec: Something Of Vengeance by BlackLetter, a really awesome epic Jeeves/Sherlock Holmes crossover, with lovely Holmes/Watson and Jeeves/Wooster. It's 82,000 wonderful words of drama and angst and adventure and peril and sex. 8D

Title: Beg For Mercy Twice
Fandom: BBC Sherlock
Pairing: Sherlock/John/Irene
Rating: PG-13
Medium: Quicky with my tablet on Open Canvas
Notes: Uhh, so I was really bored at work, and I started daydreaming.... That's the only excuse I can offer, sorry. I don't care about the why, wherefore, how, but I think this scene needs to exist somewhere on the internet. :D Am I right?? Wanted to make the background look a bit hazy and vague, but I think it just looks rushed and messy instead. Oh well. xD

Spoilers for A Scandal In Belgravia!

( sherlock/john/irene, pg-13 )

In other news: I have a tumblr! It's lizardspots (I like consistency), if anyone feels like adding me. So far all I have there is this Sherlock threesome pic. I've decided to have a go at using it for art posting, since it's where all the cool fanartists hang out these days.

Martin's faaaace!: Look at this glorious Martin Freeman picspam that phoenixacid did for me *squawks with joy* ♥

*frothing at the mouth* I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS.

And I never thought I'd use that phrase, it's awfully ~current~, isn't it?

I started writing a list of the things I liked about this episode, but I honestly ended up mentioning almost every scene and character. I am so excited about Sherlock that I've resorted to joining Tumblr so I can collect .gifs and screencaps.

For all the wonderful parts of this episode, I think my favourite aspect of all is how they fleshed out Mycroft's character and his relationship with Sherlock and John. Oh Godtiss~! ♥

I have mixed feelings about Irene, but honestly I'm sure everyone else is discussing the various issues far more eloquently than I ever could, so I'll just say I thought she was brilliant..... and I wish the last couple of scenes hadn't happened. :/

Title: The Potions Master & The Auror
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Snape/Harry
Rating: PG
Medium: Digital
Notes: The new LJ/IJ/DW layout art for snape_potter! :) I was honoured when accioslash asked me to draw for the layout, and evil enabler that she is, I can never say no to her. xP It's Snarry Swap time over there, so go have a look at all the lovely fic and art pouring in. :9

( snape/harry, pg )
on insanejournal | on dreamwidth

Fic Rec: I meant to rec this back when it was first posted, but better late than never? :D I urge every Snarry fan to go and read this masterpiece of a fic, Chrysalis by starcrossedgirl. This 86,000 word monster is everything I'd been looking for in a post-DH Snarry fic but hadn't found until now. It deals with the emotional backlash of Harry's experiences during the war, with a Snape who has his own trauma to deal with - it's messy, painful, awkward, and just so REAL, I was blown away. It's a slow build relationship, but utterly rivetting and I hoovered through the 86k words with ease.

Thank you: to everyone who left me birthday messages here, on FB, email etc. I've been rather quiet this birthday because I've been on surgical on-call for the past three days and I've been too tired to bother to post anything. And extra special thanks to the amazing anon who bought me 12 months of paid LJ time! Omg! ♥♥♥ I would offer you art if I knew I had the time to draw something, but unfortunately that's not true so please accept my heartfelt thanks and cuddles. ♥!!!

ETA: Omg! I just found out that hp_love_anon from November apparently mentioned me, and I had no idea until now! I suck! I'm so sorry for the late response, but seriously! Thank you to everyone here and here, aaah such an outpouring of love today. *teary-eyed*

I went to visit triestine and dashamus for a few days over Christmas. Items of AWESOME on the agenda included:

- Meeting up with the lovely ashkitty for tea ♥ ♥ ♥
- Watching Blade Runner and IT Crowd and Star Trek and Tron and Top Gear and various esoteric youtube clips
- Playing Lego Harry Potter on XBox (ridiculously fun)
- Going to see Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows 8D (GAAAAYYY! Also Frycroft omg)
- Playing the War On Terror boardgame twice (and I won both times because I am an amazing megalomaniac)
- Reading Yuletide fic
- Partaking of my first proper Christmas dinner at dashamus's parents' house where I stuffed my face with delicious food and then we played 80s TV & music trivia games. ♥ ♥ ♥
- Getting Christmas presents!! Lego Hogwarts set omg 8D!!!! And Lego!Snape keyring *swoons* He has a cape. 8D
- Treating myself to an AMAZING PANDA JACKET from Doc Black. I love it so much.



It has JAZZ PAWS for pockets and there are panda ears on the hood. It is also actually very warm and cozy. 8D In other news, check out how long my hair is, wtf. xD

I had lots of fun and it was nice to get away from the stressful parents and the stressful job, though I missed hanging out with megabeastage (my little brother, for the uninitiated). Now I'm back at work and alas I am working 12 hours shifts over the New Year weekend T_T Aaaaugh.

God, I haven't posted in over a fortnight! And it's not even that I've been overwhelmingly busy or had nothing to post.... I suck! How can I be procrastinating from Livejournal, my means of procrastinating from work? Something's wrong with my logic here.

Thank you: My whingy post from 2 weeks ago garnered a plethora of advice about how I can go about socialising, and I am happy to say I've been trying to put these into practice! Thank you enormously, I am really grateful to have helpful friends online who won't judge my social ineptitude and lack of spine. As regards arranged marriage and paying my parents' debts, a lot of people have said I should jump ship and exercise my rights as an independent adult etc etc... I appreciate the sentiment but the issues aren't so clear cut or.... Western, for want of a better word. It's not an option for me to cut my ties with my family or to demand a stop to arranged marriage meetings, my personality and cultural upbringing won't allow it. I'm not willing to face the consequences of that decision. But thank you all the same for listening and rooting for me, hugs to everyone! ♥ ♥ ♥

Socialising is hard: Now that I'm a Working Adult (TM) and don't live in London anymore, it's not been possible to immerse myself in well-established fandom friendships. I've been trying hard to forge new friendships (and re-establishing old ones!), but it's been very difficult - I still tend to lapse into long silences where I don't know what to say, or don't particularly WANT to say anything, and I fear I just come across as extremely inept and boring. But baby steps, no one's dissociated with me just yet so hopefully I haven't come across quite so poorly.

1) Spent last weekend with dashamus and triestine, which involved Newcastle's little Comic Con and playing Lego Harry Potter on XBox and Star Trek:DS9 and getting confused by Balkan politics. It was super fun, and I'll be going up to theirs for Christmas dinner (my first Christmas away from home!). I haven't told my parents that I could have come down to see them for the holidays.... I think I need some time away from them because arranged marriage stuff is stressing me out too much. It's not exciting or romantic, it's just exhausting and frustrating and futile.

2) Hung out yesterday with fluffyllama, her hubby and their dorky board gaming friends. They were all lovely and very welcoming, so grand to see Llama again after so long! I know absolutely nothing about board gaming (or Cthulhu, which was a frequent topic of conversation), but I nevertheless had a fun day though I was pathetically slow at grasping the rules of the game we were playing! Isla Dorada btw, it's lots of fun :D. Would be really great to play with them more often, though I won't be free for a long time what with Xmas and on-call and trips to London. We shall see. *hopeful*

3) Today was spent shopping and lunching with another geeky junior doc here in Hull. I generally loathe shopping with others, but we just got on with it sensibly so it was okay. I now own awesome fur-lined winter boots, and a couple of jumpers. \o/ She loves DS9 and conventions and is rather quiet and retiring like me, but I dare not bring up fandom at all. I don't know enough about her to hazard a guess at her tendencies. She said we should hang out for TV show watching after work, since I don't own a TV. I am determined to get her into BBC Sherlock.... >:D

Colorectal surgery stinks: And not because of the bums... it's so boring! I'm part phlebotomist, part secretary - I feel like I haven't used my brain at all, and though it's a bit annoying, it's also welcome after the busy and mentally challenging medical ward I was on before. Most of the surgeons are rather abrupt and prickish, strolling in for their ward rounds in either scrubs or a bespoke tailored suit; none of them know the junior docs' names, and we've been here for 2 weeks already. xD At least one of the registrars and one of the middle grade surgeons are approachable and helpful, the others just ignore us. Thankfully all the junior docs on the ward get on well and we work systematically together, such that I'm leaving work at 5:30pm every day AND I get decent lunch breaks - unprecedented!

But I'm rather nervous about this week (starting tomorrow) when I will be on long day shifts - I do normal ward work from 10am to 5pm, and then from 5pm to 10pm, I will be the lone ward doc covering 4 surgical wards. *bites nails* I'm rather nervous, but hopefully the imminent holiday season means that most patients will be going home and so I won't have much to do..... Consequently, those who ARE in hospital over Christmas must by necessity be terribly ill. :S Oh dear. I have my trusty copies of Oxford Handbook Of Clinical Medicine and Surgical Talk to get me by. *fingers crossed*

(ack sorry, long post was long...)

I'm tired.

I'm tired of bachelor meetings. I'm tired of being rejected based on my height. I personally think it's that all these ~normal~ people don't like me as a person, and the height reason is an easy scapegoat. I'm tired of wasting my time, money, and emotional energy on this crap.

I'm tired of not being able to do what I want. Half my salary goes to paying off my parents' debts. Any annual leave I get, I come to stay with my parents in London where I waste all my time meeting bachelors, and I have a curfue and this constant restriction that I can't do anything too expensive or time consuming.

I'm tired of having no friends in Hull. It's not that I don't want to socialise, but I don't want to go to bars or clubs to drink and dance. That seems to be the only thing my colleagues do, and I know I come across as a loner by saying no to their invitations. I don't know where to find any geeky like-minded people.

I'm just... I'm tired. I feel like an outsider amongst my old geeky friends, I feel like an outsider amongst my colleagues, and I feel like an outsider in fandom. The only good thing going on in my life is that I'm not awful at my job, but neither am I excelling.

I feel like I'm getting nowhere, I'm not... blossoming, for want of a better word. I'd hoped that once I moved out of my parents' home and was gainfully employed, things would change... but they really haven't. If anything, I feel even more lonely than I already was.

I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say with this pointless rant. I feel rather pathetic posting it, but what can I say. I'm fishing a little and hoping there'll be some magical advice to fix me. I might delete this later. Sorry.

Today has been a shitty day. One of those days where you make stupid little fumbles like:

- realising my outfit for the day is too warm but not having anything to change into
- trying to join into a conversation with a dweeby comment that makes people go :-| then uncomfortably segue-ing into a work related query
- accidentally taking the registrar and a medical student to the wrong ward to see a patient and only realising the problem after 5 mins of fruitlessly searching for the medical notes
- said registrar then not having the time to do my observed assessment because I wasted everyone's time by taking them to the wrong ward
- texting another registrar about doing my assessments this week, only to get a call from him to say he's in INDIA (!)
- doing a role-play on "breaking bad news to patients" with my senior and completely bollocking it up for no conceivable reason
- cannulating a patient after much difficulty, only to discover she didn't actually need it
- my consultant having a go at me for apparently ignoring him last Friday when he'd been trying to gain my attention five times to say hello ?????? and !!!!! and DDDDD::: I have no idea
- and I'd been about to ask that consultant for an observed assessment
- my senior telling me I need to socialise more because I come across as a loner when I say no to the doctors'/nurses' nights out at pubs/bars

God, it's been an utterly baffling and mortifying day. It wasn't even that busy, just.... one of those days.

I need to cheer myself up.





Hmmmmmmm... *stares for a bit* Yeah, Tim Canterbury is doing rather nicely for me... (credit)

I just marathoned my way through The Office, series 1 & 2 and the Christmas special. I never did watch it when it first came out, but now... oh god. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS MISSING.

It really is quite sad that I actually fell off my bed whilst sitting alone in my flat from laughing so hard. I facepalmed on a regular basis from sheer excruciating embarrassment. I nearly cried when Tim and Dawn finally got together.

And Martin Freeman! *starry eyed* I never really found him attractive as such (even as Dr Watson), generally rather sweet and cuddly, but... omfg. ♥♥♥ I want a Tim of my very own.

*sobbing with joy* HOW SO PERFECT, SHOW???

Title: Unlikeliest & Dearest of Friends
Fandom: Adventures of TinTin (2011 film)
Pairing: TinTin/Haddock
Rating: PG-13 for some nekkid and the pretty substantial age difference xD
Medium: Open Canvas
Notes: Oh god... I am going to the extra special hell, aren't I? I kept feeling crawly with uncomfortable ~feelings~ about desecrating this piece of childhood nostalgia... but I mostly got over it after a while. :D

Nothing fancy here, I mostly wanted to play around with my interpretation of the characters.

( tintin/haddock, pg-13 )

Found via ook: http://plus4chan.org/b/coq/res/80713.html, a VERY NOT WORKSAFE thread with TinTin/Haddock fanart. Annoyingly no one is bothering to give credit, but I think most pieces at least have a signature/site address. Some real gems here, though the porn still makes me feel squirmy and horrible inside. At first, that is. :D

Rule 34: Lowering one's threshold for depravity step by step.

I just learned that my next rotation (starting 7th December) will be.... Colorectal surgery.

DDDD:

Old people with cancer, young people with inflammatory conditions, and stupid people who insert inadviseable objects up their backsides. *has extremely appropriate icon*

*imagines a procession of bums that I have to stick my fingers into*



*facepalm... after washing my hands thoroughly*

I've been assured it won't be as busy as the ridiculous medical/diabetes ward I work on, where I do at least 2 hours of unpaid overtime every day and the only break I get is 20 minutes at lunch time to throw some food down my gullet. I swear, if I didn't have wonderful supportive seniors and nursing staff on this ward, I would be so depressed. I'm sad to be going, for all that I'm constantly overworked.

YOU GUYS. I just watched the new TinTin film, it was miles of good fun with awesome non-stop action.

BUT WHAT I REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT is that I need some TinTin/Haddock slash, okay???? I can't find any, I even resorted to The Pit Of Voles and there's nothing of marginal interest there either.

*implores* Dear flist, might I oblige you for some recs?

In other news, this song has been in my head for days, so I shall share it with you all. :D



ETA: Tintin/Haddock recs as I find them... One Small Step by Kindkit.